"Things do not change; we change."  *-- Henry David Thoreau

"Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding."  *-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."  *-- Helen Keller 

When we hit mid-life, we often stop caring as much about what others think of us. Instead, many of us start to focus inward so we can ask the difficult but critical question: How do we feel about our selves and our work?

---

This is the third in a ten-part series exploring the “Ten P” model developed by Craig Nathanson, The Vocational Coach, to help mid-life adults discover and do what they love.

When Murray and Heather Rand of Canada sold their St. Thomas, Ontario, home and moved permanently aboard their sailboat, lots of people – including their children – thought they were crazy. The fact that they’d never sailed before, prior to buying the 16-foot craft that fueled their adventure, didn’t bother them a bit. Murray and Heather loved sailing. They decided that sailing mattered most. So after several intensive sailing lessons, they were on their way. They agreed: If it’s your dream, go sooner rather than later. Life can change at the drop of a hat, they thought, and life was too precious to be wasting precious time heeding other people’s disapproval.

When former software engineer Bonnie Vining was told by her boss to stop smiling so much at work because it was a sign of weakness, she decided that it was definitely time to leave her job and follow her dream. Bonnie wanted to own her own coffee shop, where folks could gather and enjoy each other’s company and, without being self-conscious, smile as much as they liked. Like Murray and Heather’s family and friends, Bonnie’s co-workers thought Bonnie was being too much of a dreamer. But she didn’t let the naysayers stop her. Today people can visit Bonnie in Tucson, Arizona, serving up a cup of Joe at her own place, Javalina’s Coffee and Friends.

And then there’s Japanese national Tamah Nakamura, who reached mid-life with an established position as a tenured university professor. Other people thought the position was just right for Tamah. But there was only one problem: Tamah didn’t agree. She soon left the walls of academe to follow her heart. Today, she teaches courses on how dance and music can help people honor and care for their bodies.

Perspective and our work

Throughout our working lives, we get the “privilege” of hearing what other people think about us. Comments are often focused on our work and how we perform. Usually our performance evaluations are a reflection of the “What have you done for me lately?” syndrome.

If we are lucky, there may be a brief section on suggestions for development. Be we’re hardly encouraged to follow our hearts. Development advice at work is geared toward what the organization needs and wants us to do next – for them.

A funny thing happens on the way to mid-life

When we hit mid-life, we often stop caring as much about what others think of us. Instead, many of us start to focus inward so we can ask the difficult but critical question: How do we feel about our selves and our work?

Mid-life demands an honest self-assessment. Who are you? What is most important? What are you most passionate about? These are the questions we start asking. And if we aren’t asking these questions, we should be.

The beautiful thing about self-assessment is that if you don’t like your own perspective of yourself, you change it. This is not so easily done with how others perceive you.

Musts vs. should-haves

Mid-life is a time to shed the external should-haves (I should stay in my corporate job. I should pursue the next promotion. I should move to a bigger house to convey my status.) and focus on the all-important “musts” for your life (I must do what I enjoy. I must take control of my life’ direction). So much of this relates to the work we do. A strong self-image is essential to defeat both the external “should-haves” and, more importantly, to put into motion the “musts.”

Murray and Heather did this when they sold their house and set sail on a new life adventure. Tamah and Bonnie did this by giving up “prestigious” jobs to follow their dreams. They all ignored the pressure to do what they should have and instead found the courage to do what they must.

In mid-life, it’s your self-perception that counts the most and you’ll need a healthy one to create an even greater second half of life. Understand what your musts are, and steel yourself against the onslaught of family, colleagues, and well-meaning friends who will pressure you to follow the should-haves. It’s your life, and it’s never too late to start living it.

Those Relationship Habits

By virtue of a significant other relationship, there will be times when our partners will want us to do things we don’t necessarily want to do and conversely, there will be times when we will want our partners to do things........
 

Secrets to Success - 100 Top

Remember, you are a success no matter what. The fact that you are checking off your accomplishments indicates that you are ready to climb the next peak. During this year, through other articles, I shared with you on where......
 

Stand Out from the Crowd With These Five Ways

Some people are content to just to be another face in the crowd. By assuming this attitude, they are saying, in effect, to the rest of the world, I'm just average; there's nothing special about me..........